The United Nations defines violence against women as:

• “Any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life”. (7)
• It is “Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between adults or adolescents who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. (8)
• It is an attempt to control one’s partner through a “pattern of coercive and assaultive behaviors that include physical, sexual, verbal, and psychological attacks and economic coercion”
• “It is the pervasive and methodical use of threats, intimidation, manipulation, and physical violence by someone who seeks power and control over their intimate partner. Abusers use a specific tactic or a combination of tactics to instill fear in and dominance over their partners. The strategies used by abusers are intended to establish a pattern of desired behaviors from their victims.” (9)

You feel:

• Fear of your partner much of the time
• Avoid certain topics due to fear
• Believe you deserve to be mistreated or abused
• Feel that you are crazy, feel shame, isolate yourself from your family or friends
• Frequently adjust your behaviour in order to prevent emotional or physical attacks
• Feel you cannot do anything right
• Feel put-down in the relationship

Your partner:

• Has an unpredictable temper
• Humiliates or yells at you, calls you names
• Blames you for their behaviour
• Belittles you and your accomplishments
• Isolates you either in fact or by pressure
• Pressures or coerces you to perform sexual acts
• Destroys your belongings
• Threatens to take your children away
• Controls your behaviour, activities
• Limits your access to financial or other resources (phone, money, car, documents)
• Threatens to hurt you or themselves if you leave
• Objectifies you
• Uses religious, cultural or social texts/roles to justify abusive behaviour
• Hurts you physically (restrains, slaps, pushes, punches, bits, kicks or otherwise physically harms you)

• Children who witness abuse are at greater risk for anxiety, behavioural and depressive disorders. They have increased difficulties at school. They are more likely to use violence as a form of conflict resolution. (10)
• Most children of women who are victims of domestic violence are present during acts of physical abuse: 75% witness the violence; 20% participate in it and 11% are also victims of the abuse. (11) 
• The DPJ considers exposure to domestic violence a form of psychological ill-treatment 

• If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or SOS Violence Conjugal, or refer to our resource page here
• Listen and believe her. Let her know she is not to blame. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help, but don’t offer to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or feels unsafe
• Put her safety first. Never talk to anyone about abuse in front of their suspected abuser. Unless she specifically asks for it, never give her materials about domestic abuse or leave information through voice messages or emails that might be discovered by her abuser
• If she decides to stay in the relationship, try not to judge her. Remember, leaving an abuser can be extremely dangerous. Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can offer a woman who is being abused is your respect
• Get support for yourself and learn about resources for your loved one